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Welcoming Our Shadow As Mothers

Yesterday, I had a long soul chat with a dear friend, and we shared vulnerably and authentically the raw truth of our mothering journeys in that moment.

I had been experiencing a bit of flatness for the couple of days prior and a little ache in my heart which let me know there was a tender, young inner part communicating with me.

We shared the truth of what was alive within each of us, both the light and the dark, creating a sacred space to welcome and witness our shadow parts.

Feeling so divinely held with deep compassion and safety by my friend moved me to tears.

I shared the mourning I was feeling around a parenting moment where I had acted in ways that were not in deep alignment with my heart.

Mourning around what resources and tools I did not know back then that I so wished I had.

Around how life events can unfold that we did not expect as part of our growth and healing.

And my beautiful friend also shared her most vulnerable parenting moments.

Our shared humanity connects each of us heart to heart, the shared humanity of how we are raising ourselves whilst we guide our children.

This collective mourning is part of how we evolve and grow through our mistakes as part of the transformational journey of parenting.

Yesterday I experienced in my body the deep safety of being met right where I was with deep presence and acceptance for all my inner parts to be heard and held.

It was a cellular sense of being accompanied by a compassionate witness.

A whole-body knowing of being deeply seen and heard for the tender layers of my inner experience.

My friend and I expressed the struggles that can arise showing up for our children whilst doing our own deep inner child healing and nervous system healing.

How we are growing alongside our children especially in our messiest moments.

And how we are broken open by the journey of motherhood.

We deeply honoured the courageous journey of the heart that parenthood is and the invitation it offers to for us to embrace both our light and darkness, as we dance in the shadows.

And we celebrated each other for the courageous ways we showed up in our mothering journey.

My beautiful friend described this heart connection of sacred acceptance as healing medicine.

She shared her inner experience of feeling a piece of mothering shame being dislodged from her soul as we spoke.

And this is how I felt too – a shedding of old shame wounds as our authentic truth was embraced in the light.

For shame can only live in the shadows, and transforms in the light.

We also connected deeply to the magic that arises in those moments of repairs and reconnection – where we model authentically and bravely to our children what it is so be fully human and to grow through our mistakes.

Our children mirror back our disowned parts of self and our orphaned inner children.

Choosing to allow ourselves to welcome our inner children back home is a warrior’s journey.

And through welcoming these shadow parts and listening to the messages they hold we begin to reclaim these lost parts of us and our resiliency and life force.

Learning to dance with our shadow, and letting go of fearing and resisting it, is how we come back home to ourselves.

By turning towards our shadow, we open to discovering the treasure within ourselves as we reclaim the wisdom within our wounds.

I have found that expressing our grief and mourning around past parenting moments is such a vital part of our inner healing.

Honouring our mourning has such a different quality than shame or guilt and beating ourselves up.

Acknowledging our need for mourning allows us to stay connected to the feelings of sadness in our body and to hold ourselves with the warmth to allow these feelings to be held and witnessed.

It brings the softness of acceptance and allowing all parts to be acknowledged for how they make perfect sense.

Which enables us to honour all our feelings and body sensations and allow them to move through us.

Having safe places to land in this world is so vital to be able to show up in our parenting journey for our children.

Holding that container for our children requires that we first show up for ourselves, and experience being held by others, as well as holding space for ourselves.

After being so deeply held by my friend, and allowing my healing tears to fall, I returned home to my family and experienced the most divine moment of connection.

It’s amazing how different we can feel in our bodies after the sweetness of heart connections with another human being to accompany us.

We all sat down to watch a family movie together.

Because there is a 4 year gap between my children, finding a family movie that everyone wants to watch can be really tricky and many times we have struggled to find a movie.

We ended up watching the old movie Cool Runnings where four Jamaicans, who have never been to the snow, have a dream to compete in the Olympics sled racing.

There was something profoundly magical in the messages of that movie for each of us.

The messages from life around believing in your big dreams courageously even if everyone around you is questioning those.

Around the important of showing up authentically as yourself.

And embracing the wholeness and worthiness that is our birthright.

This morning, I was blessed to have another heart connection call with another of my dear friend, Marion Rose.

I so cherish how she mirrored back and reflected my joy and celebration, which helped that integrate and anchor even more deeply into my being.

There is something so precious in connecting with friendships tethered upon shared values and heart alignment.

Both of these connections with my friends reminded me of how we discover so much about ourselves through our heart-centred relationships.

We discover pieces of ourselves, and experience knowing ourselves even more deeply, through that mirroring and resonance.

Having safe havens, where our mourning and our celebration can be witnessed and held with deep care, is such a vital part of being nourished and resourced as parents.

Places where there is space for both the joy and pain to be held, and the beauty of both to be honoured.

I read something beautiful last night which captures the essence of this.

The author of the post spoke about how we rise in unison as fellow seekers of the heart on a quest for authenticity.

This spoke to me deeply about how we need a heart tribe to support one another on this parenting journey and our quest to reclaim our most authentic self.

And it reminded me of how much I adore the journey of honouring our bodies and our feelings and living in alignment with those from a deep place of authenticity.

This heart tribe can be both in person and across the ethers – as we internalise these heart seekers into our inner community of resources to draw upon.

I’m feeling so grateful for the beautiful hearts in my life who are there to deeply listen and deeply see each other in both our darkness and our light.

I deeply cherish this warm community of women whom I have co-created where we can hold each other with deep empathy, compassion and witnessing.

In sharing ourselves vulnerably, we offer each other the gift of finding ourselves in the other’s sharing and shadows, and the gift of embracing our own shadow with a little more warmth and tenderness.

Holding all parts of you with deep care and compassion.